Your Mess is Your Message, Part 1

My little brain has been working overtime lately trying to "figure things out!"  Sometimes life just doesn't make sense to me and it hits me pretty hard.  Why do some people seem to be the big targets in a major dog turd throwing contest! It has felt - many times throughout our marriage - that we're those targets!

I'm left asking God, WHY? What am I doing wrong?  What have I failed to learn that you want me to learn?  Please give me the brains to understand so I can live according to Your Will!!!  I'm really trying here, but I constantly feel like I'm failing!  And that MUST be why I’m constantly dealing with all this turd!

I feel like I've come to a place in life where I’ve been totally stripped of most earthly desires.  Not by choice, but thankfully, I was forced to give up caring.  I don’t want or need fortune or fame.  I’m far past caring about being good looking!  I care nothing about social status or having a “clique” to belong to.  All I really care about is close personal relationships and character.  I guess it’s because I feel that those are the only things I can control!  So I thought.

This season has definitely given me a big wake-up call!  Not only have I been stripped of all earthly desires and possessions, I’ve also been stripped of many relationships, which in turn, has severely impaired my character building skills!  So now what am I left with???

A really pissy attitude!

Also, I’m left questioning God again!  Why, God?  WHY?  Why is it that in the midst of having so many major things happen, the little silly daily things can’t just be easy once in a while?  After all, those are the things that make me lose control!  Why does every aspect of life have to be a test?  I’m letting it steal my joy!

Well, I’ve seen the light!  And I’d like to share!

A couple weeks ago at Mass, we celebrated the Feast of The Holy Family (Jesus, Mary and Joseph).  The Scripture readings were a beautiful reminder of the meaning of family and the way we should respect and love each other.  Surprisingly, I was actually able to pay attention, even through the wiggles and moans of a restless 1 year old!  Here comes my breakthrough….

The last reading is always from the Gospel, which is always read by the Priest.  It’s followed by his homily…which could also be called a sermon?? I think.  J  So, during the Gospel a baby right behind me started throwing a big fit!  Then JD started acting up too!  Oh how this has frustrated me lately!  He does it EVERY week and nothing helps.  No toy!  No treat!  NOTHING!  So, for the sake of the parishioners, I’ve spent a lot of time outside or in the Parish Hall during Mass lately.  Of course, given my already pissy mood lately, I’m thinking….I NEED this!  I NEED to be here and I can’t even do THIS!  REALLY?  Just let me sit in church in peace and get my 1 hour fill! 

So, I’m just about to grab JD and head outside and Father Glen started his homily by telling us how much he appreciated hearing the sounds of the babies in church!  He made very beautiful and warm comments and everybody laughed and clapped in agreement.

Kabammm went my heaviness of heart!  (I mean, I certainly didn’t want to appear to be that woman who can’t control her children!)  He followed it by talking about the Holy Family and our families.  He reminded us of our desire to be a picture perfect family.  We make it a priority to appear happy and prosperous and to hide our flaws, struggles and sorrows.  There’s nothing wrong with being positive, grateful and joyous as much as possible – but pretending life has always been perfect is robbing others of the chance to see what God can do with a mess! 

Father went on to reminded us of the family and circumstances our LORD CHOSE for His Son!  Not ideal by any means.  He could’ve been born to wealth…an earthly King…mingled with the elite…He could’ve chosen anything!  But no, he chose a young unwed virgin and a carpenter.  Poor.  They had nothing really.  Nothing but Faith!  They endured hard times from their very beginning.  They are the example for us all.  He chose them so Jesus could be an example of humility and to show us the power of our Heavenly Father.

Ahhh the light bulb moment!  I was reminded of something I’ve known for a while, but failed to accomplish in my poutiness.  I need to be vulnerable enough to share my own triumphs!  I think we all need to!  By God’s grace, I think my head is finally far enough out of my nether regions to really tell my story the right way!  It’s pretty much taken all 35 years of my life, but I feel ready!

So, I’ve decided to bring my life to the light!  It’s nothing I’ve ever really tried to hide, but I believe that I’m God’s work in progress and my life can definitely show that.  I hope by the end of “my story” it’s apparent that I’m not trying to pout or get sympathy…but rather, show what remains standing when it’s built on a strong foundation.

In the next few weeks or months I’ll be blogging about…

Your Mess is Your Message

Stay tuned!  J